Squall's Mind
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Squall" journal:[<< Previous 20 entries]
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09:52 pm
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I do.
I've had an interesting fourth of July week. Let's see, Debbie and I dropped the kids off at her mom's house and headed out on a road trip. We went through Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. Along the way, we stopped at the Cadillac Ranch in Amarillo, TX. It's a bunch of 60s model Cadillacs buried nose-down in the dirt. Kind of interesting. The next high point was in Arizona (although crossing from Texas into New Mexico was a very interesting change in the landscape). We saw the meteor crater and the Grand Canyon. Those were some awesome sights. I would definitely recommend anyone passing through the area to hit those two spots. Then finally, we crossed the Hoover Dam and ended up at our destination - Las Vegas, Nevada.
What was our purpose? What else do you do in Vegas..? WE GOT MARRIED!
I can say that we both enjoyed the ceremony. It was simple, yet grand. We didn't have any friends or family with us, so the photographer witnessed for us. We walked up to the altar, listened to the minister for a few minutes, said our "I Do's" and kissed. That's how we wanted it. And the location..? The top of the observation tower at the Stratosphere hotel! (If you haven't seen it, look it up. It's awesome!) They have a chapel near the top. It's a few floors down from the observation decks. It was closed off to the public, so we didn't have to worry about distractions. Although we were both so wrapped up in love for each other that it probably wouldn't have mattered if there were people walking around us. We would have tuned everything else out. This was our moment.
After that, the photographer brought us up to the outdoor observation deck and took pictures of us with a backdrop of Las Vegas behind us. Then we went down to the indoor deck and got a few pictures there. When it was over, we had free roam of the tower so we took a few pictures of our own and headed down.
So while we were in Vegas we had to check out the strip. We started walking around 4pm and we made it almost all the way down one side of the strip. We finally caught a bus back to our hotel around 11. Vegas is definitely an interesting city. Much different than what I'm used to. But we had fun. It was such a stress-free wedding. That was our goal when we decided to get married in Vegas.
So that about wraps it up besides the drive home. Not a whole lot to report on that except that we went by way of Utah, Colorado, and Kansas. I'd have to say Utah and Colorado were the most beautiful states we went through on our drive, with Arizona and New Mexico following closely behind.
Warning for anyone about to drive through Kansas: DON'T DO IT! Not only is it the most boring state to drive through, but the drivers SUCK ASS! On a four lane interstate, you will see two vehicles in the right lane and just when you're going to pass them, the one behind will come out into the left lane looking like they're going to pass the vehicle in front of them. Then they will stay at the exact same speed as the one they seemingly wanted to pass leaving you no room to get through! Or if they don't stay the same speed, they'll take at least 5 miles to get ahead of the other car and get over for you to pass them. This happened to us more times than we could count. I can safely say that we ran into more bad drivers in Kansas than we did in every other state combined!
So yeah, long story short.. We're married, Utah is beautiful and Kansas sucks.
See ya!
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09:35 pm
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Guess I should clear this up..
In my last entry I told you that Debbie was being tested for Lupus. Nothing ever really happened with that. The doctor wasn't really sure what was going on. On top of that, he had his head in the computer the whole time every time she went to see him. The last time she saw him, we asked him if he was going to test for anything else and he said no. So we said bye bye to him. Then she found another doctor that has no clue about what it is, but he put her on some medicine that actually helps with it, which is something she's had a hard time finding. Neither of us really think it's Lupus because she only has one symptom of it, which is joint pain. But it could easily be any form of arthritis. There's no way to know unless she develops other symptoms. Who knows? Apparently not the doctors.
So yeah. Thanks for the support though. It's much appreciated.
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12:21 pm
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Holy crap!!
Whoa.. Haven't even thought about LJ in a long time. If anyone is still out there, here's an update.
Still engaged to Debbie, still trying to come up with the money for a wedding. We actually plan on going to Vegas, so we need to come up with a few thousand for that. We're going through a hard time right now because of credit bills. Last year I was in and out of work, and Debbie was on short-term disability (story coming up soon..), so we used our credit cards to buy groceries, then we got a few personal loans to help out with our big bills and it spiraled out of control from there. Right now we have way too many $100-$200 payments going out per month. But we're working on getting that taken care of with a Home Equity loan. We should know the outcome of that in the next few weeks.
Denny and Rachel (the live-ins) are no longer living in. Not too long after my last update, they fucked up again and we kicked them out. It was partly Debbie's fault for bringing up a sore subject, but Rachel blew it way out of proportion and started a fight with Debbie. Also, if it wasn't this that got them kicked out, it would have been something else. So now they're gone and they took all our friends with them. Everyone hates us now and I really couldn't care less. Genera didn't even give me a chance to explain my side of the story. The way I see it is if she was a real friend, she would have at least heard me out. But no, she apparently didn't care what I had to say. *sigh* I thought she was a better friend than that, but I guess not. The only bad thing that came from it was that I lost my copy of Final Fantasy 8. haha! Either Genera's husband or her brother was borrowing it at the time. Dammit. But hey, it's only $20 to buy a new one.
Alright, as for Debbie's short-term disability.. Since she was about 13-14 she's been having pain in her hips and shoulders. She's been to several different doctors and none of them can give her a definite answer as to what it is. Well last year she found a doctor that was looking into it and his hunch was that it's Lupus. On top of that, she was pregnant. Yep, that's right! I'm now the proud father of our son Logan Joseph Williams! He was born on June 12th, 2006 weighing 6 lbs 14 oz and measuring 23 inches long. He's such a cute kid! He's already eating the first stage baby food and starting to learn how to crawl. Devin is really growing up too. He's turning 5 this year. He'll be starting Kindergarten in the fall. He's such a smart kid, he just needs to open up a little more to people he doesn't know. He gets really shy and talks very quietly when he's around people he's not used to. We have him in pre-school thought to try to help with that. He's at least used to being around other kids his age in a school type setting.
So let's see, what else? Oh yeah, I work at a place that builds medical carts. The roll-around carts that you see in hospitals and nursing homes. I assemble them. It's pretty fun.
Anyway I think that's about it for now. I covered the relationship, the kids, the job, and the finances. That's about all that's going on right now. Hopefully the next update will come sooner than next year.. heh
Talk to you all later!
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04:22 pm
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I'm not dead!
If anyone cares, I'm not dead. I've just been away from the computer for a while. Kinda got a little boring talking to people I'd never meet. Needed a reality check.
So me and Debbie bought a house. We're gonna be getting married next spring, probably in May. I quit my job cause I hated it. Now I'm trying to find something else but it's kinda hard finding something I actually like. I think I'm gonna get hired at a new Auto Zone that I helped set up. The manager told us all to apply and he'd put in a good word for us. It's not exactly where I want to work but it'll do for now. I just need lots and lots of money. Someone buy me a winning lottery ticket. I'll share!
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06:12 am
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Ooh, and update.
Star Ocean: Till the End of Time didn't turn out to be what I expected. I'm very disappointed.
I'm also the proud owner of a 2000 Impala. I'm far from disappointed with the car. It's nice. :) It's got all these gadgets and gizmos that I'll probably never understand and every single button in the car lights up so you can see it at night. There are only 3 things I don't like about it. 1 - It has daytime running lights. Don't these car companies realize that sometimes you don't want your damn lights on?? 2 - The ash tray is freakin TINY! Luckily there's a console area right in front of it big enough to store an ash tray from my house. And 3 - The glove compartment is also very small. I don't know how the hell I'm going to fit all my car info, road maps, junk mail, flash lights, door knobs, Pez dispensers, and other random items in it. Guess I'll have to use the huge freakin trunk...
So that's my news. Bye.
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12:14 pm
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Wow, I'm back!
Sup? Been a while since my last update. Things are going pretty good on the home front. Living with Debbie and having a wonderful time doing so. My sister almost died when I took my computer from my parents' house because she always goes over there and uses it. Ah well. This'll make her go buy her own computer and stop downloading stupid crap to this one. haha
Anyway, if y'all want to drop me an e-mail the new address is thomas5758@sbcglobal.net
Hotmail account was deleted while I was on hiatus.
That's about it for now.
Outty
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04:45 pm
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Wee! New place!
Welp.. I moved in with Debbie, but not in her small ass apartment. She talked to the landlord about the problems she was having with it (water heater not working right, and a leak coming up through the floor) and offered a suggestion: She could get a roommate and move into the apartment above her. He seemed happy with it and we signed the lease the next day. So now we're both stuck there for a year. We're both on the lease so if we don't work out, we're pretty much screwed. haha! But that's alright. If we have any problems, we'll at least try to work them out before just giving up. And the way things are going right now, I can see us being happy together for a year or longer. There's still some stuff we need to get (like a freakin BED!), but we have most of the stuff we need. Hell, we already have the comforter/sheet/pillow case set for a queen size bed, we just need to find time to go out and shop for one. Then we'll worry about getting my computer and stereo from my parents' house, and after that is done I'm gonna see about an internet connection (possibly DSL but I doubt it.)
So yeah, that's what's going on in my little world. Hope y'all are having fun out there! I'll talk to you when I can.
Byebye!
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09:59 pm
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Long time did I run down like this...
It's been a while. I haven't been updating recently because I've been spending a whole hell of a lot of time with Debbie and almost no time at home where my computer is. I'd take my computer over there if there were any place to put it, but it's an extremely small apartment and it's pretty cramped as it is. So I probably won't be online for quite some time. Most likely around October when her lease is up and I get her out of that damn place. It's actually not that bad.. She's only a few blocks away from her mom's house which is very convenient because her mom babysits Devin (her son) when she's at work. The apartment itself doesn't have anything wrong with it. And it's reasonably close to pretty much everyone we both hang out with and the places we like to go. The only problem is the size, but I'm getting used to it. She only has 9 more months to go on her lease and then if things are still going this well between us, we can find somewhere else to call home.
So yeah, that's about it. Living with Debbie now and loving every minute of it. :)
p.s. Happy now Veronica??
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03:49 am
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Things to say...
First off.. Julie...
My god, woman! Never in my life have I seen anyone with such sheer emotional fortitude. I've watched you all this time waiting, hoping, praying for something so long it almost kills you, then when you're finally ready to give up on it, you get it...only to have it snatched away moments later. That would be the death of a normal person. But as you've shown me many times, you're not a normal person. You are extraordinary! There is no one at all like you on this entire planet. Be proud. You will have your happy ending someday.
And now Veronica
I have a few things to ask of you. First, please don't make me feel guilty for wanting to spend time with the girl that I love. I don't ask you to do anything without Shawn, and I don't ask you to give up your time with him so you can see me. You get to see Shawn every day. I don't have that with Debbie right now, so naturally I have to sacrifice my time with you and Genera to be able to spend the time that I want and need with Debbie. I don't know when I'll be able to hang out with you guys like I used to. (Don't get me wrong, I'll still come around. It just won't and can't be every day or even every weekend.) But please realize that this is only temporary. I promise you that one day things will be back to normal. I do care about you both, and I will never let go of our friendship. Just be patient with me, ok? That's all I ask.
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04:04 am
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Trouble in Paradise..
She loves me. She's just not sure how she loves me. I knew it all along, but I needed confirmation. She gave it to me. She says that she's looking for someone to sweep her off her feet. She says I did that. I'm still doing it. But because Marty is spreading all this shit about her to my family, they've pretty much made up their minds about her without even trying to get to know her. She can't deal with that. She doesn't want to feel like she has to prove herself to everyone. Why should she?? Why the fuck should she have to prove herself? Can't people just fucking accept her for who she is and stop letting Marty control everything they think about her?? That's fucking bullshit. It fucking pisses me off because I have her within my reach, but because my family is so damn overprotective of me, they're pushing her away from me. She's got way too much stress in her life already. She can't handle the extra load of trying to win my family over. And with Marty strong on the offense it's even harder for her.
GOD DAMNIT, WHY CAN'T PEOPLE SEE HER?!? All they know is what Marty tells them. Yes, Marty and Mandy both lived with her on two separate occasions, but they don't really know her. There's only one other person in this world who knows her like I do (besides members of her family, of course). Nobody understands. Nobody wants to take the time to understand. They only see what they want to see.
They're gonna have to learn to accept her. I've made a lifelong committment to her. We will be in each other's life, one way or another, for as long as we both live. So I'm sorry, but you're all just going to have to deal with it.
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02:42 am
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I have a LOT of work ahead of me...
I have to be there for Debbie. She needs me right now. I don't even think she knows it yet, but she needs me to help her see that Mark is using Devin to get to her. That he's not really looking out for what's best for their son. His real intentions are to get Debbie back. It's so fucking obvious to me. Every little "mistake" that he thinks she's making, he shoves it in her face as if he's saying "See?? If you were with me, you wouldn't have made that mistake! You need me to take care of you and tell you what to do!" He's trying so hard to convince her that she can't make it on her own so that she'll want to come back to him. But what he's really saying is that he can't make it on his own. I see it all too clearly. Maybe she sees it too and just needs someone else to confirm it. All I know is that she needs my help with this. If she doesn't get out from under his control, she'll never be truly happy. And that's the bottom line.
Then, on top of all this that needs my full and complete attention, my friends are starting to think that I'm alienating them. So I have my work cut out for me there trying to make them understand that I'm not abandoning them. I have to explain the situation in detail and tell them that I'll always be their friend. Nothing will ever tear me away from them. I just have something I need to take care of right now.
And then there's my band (if you can even call it that...) We haven't had practice in over a month, and I haven't even heard from them in 2 weeks. I haven't called them either though.. But as I pretty much explained before, I've been quite busy and will be for a while. As long as it takes. Soo, I at least need to get a hold of them and see what's going on, and also explain why I haven't really been that worried about them not calling me.
*long sigh*
Yep. I got a shitload of work to do.
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04:18 am
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Love them cows! (No no.. REALLY love them....)
nodisinthevolume: he called me today.....he's in Mexico...working on some huge ranch for credit in his class this semster.
nodisinthevolume: he is impregnating cows
Pyntie Het 2012: gah!!!
Pyntie Het 2012: HIMSELF!?
nodisinthevolume: with his hand and the help of some bull semen...yeah
Pyntie Het 2012: that's fuckin WRONG!
Pyntie Het 2012: i wonder what a human/cow crossbreed would look like...
nodisinthevolume: lol..pretty damn sexy if it looked anything like dave
Pyntie Het 2012: haha
nodisinthevolume: he is so excited....I was like dude...you are the only person I know that gets excited over knocking up a cow
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03:33 am
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Wow.. Yeah, that says it all..
I posted this as a comment in Julie's journal, but I think it deserves to be an entry itself in mine. Julie says she's worried about me because of the situation with Debbie. This is my response, and it doesn't only apply to her:
Julie.. I don't ask much of you, but I need a huge favor from you.
Please. If at all possible, I ask you not to worry about me. It took me a while to see it myself, so I'm sure it's going to take even longer for everyone else to see it, but.. Debbie and I have a bond that can't be easily broken. During the short time we've been together, we've gotten closer to each other than a lot of married couples. I've never felt this close to anyone in my entire life. I know that right now is not the time for a serious relationship between us, but I would be very surprised if we don't end up getting back together someday. But, at the same time I really don't think I would be hurt if we don't get back together. I wouldn't say that we're "more than friends", but what we have is definitely better than any friendship I've ever known.
The only way I can explain it is to compare it to believing in God. I'm sure you know someone who believes in God so wholeheartedly that not even Jesus himself could sway them in their beliefs.. Well I believe in Debbie. I'm not saying she's a god that deserves to be worshipped.. But I believe in her. I believe that she's a great and beautiful person. I believe that she has the ability to love so deep that Romeo and Juliet would stand in awe. I truly believe in her, and nothing anyone says will change my mind.
The reason it didn't work out between us is because I was asking too much of her. She had just made a major change in her life, and she's still trying to pick up the pieces and find her place in the world. She's been in one steady relationship or another since she was 17. This is the first time she's really been alone and she's very nervous about it, but she wants to prove to everyone, especially herself, that she can make it on her own. But I know that she needs support. She needs a shoulder to lean on. All I want from her now is to be that support. To be the person who will stick with her through these hard times ahead of her. If I can just do that, then I will be happy. I already am happy.
I know that these words might not be enough to convince you, but I'm just telling you how I see it. This is what I believe.
"If you could only see the way she loves me, then maybe you would understand why I feel this way about our love and what I must do."
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04:46 am
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*sigh* I love Debbie
Yes, the title is similar to one before, but the entry is totally different. I just hung out with Debbie and Denny (the guy she's been "seeing" lately). I had a really good time. We all seemed to enjoy ourselves. I was a little nervous at first.. I didn't know how to react. I actually just showed up at her house out of the blue. That was the first time I'd ever done that. I was pretty sure that he'd be there, so at least I was prepared. But as it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. He's a really cool guy, and I'd like to hang out with him some more. In fact, he mentioned something about wanting to go to see Marilyn Manson this tuesday. Said he could get free tickets. All he'd have to do is talk to one of his connections (which are pretty good because the band that he's a roadie for played at the same place not too long ago). Both Debbie and I told him that we'd like to go. So hopefully he isn't too jealous of me.. I have no problem with him whatsoever, but I think I might have been catching a vibe from him... It may have been the alcohol though. But I know I was definitely catching a vibe from Debbie. The way she looked at me all night let me know everything. She looked as if she was trying to say, "I want you to stay tonight, not him." But that wasn't possible. They're both looking for a job right now, and he really doesn't have a place to stay, so she's letting him stay there for a while until he can find a place of his own. Since they've been friends for so long, she can't just turn her back on him and say, "Sorry, I can't help you." So they're going around job hunting together (mainly temporary services because she needs something as soon as possible). I just hope that him being there too much doesn't ruin their friendship. They have an awesome relationship, but in the short time that he's been there, she's already starting to get tired of this attitude that he has every now and then. They've been at each other's throats on more than one occasion. And with them being around each other all day, almost every day, it's gonna get even worse. I'd hate to see her lose another friend. Losing Mandy hurt her bad. It fucked her up. If she lost Denny, she'd be devistated. It would damn near kill her. She's a very strong person, but I don't think she'd be able to handle that much pain. She's stretched to the limit as it is.
Dammit, I'm rambling because I'm still pretty drunk. Anyway, what I started this entry for is to let people know that I'm ok. I'm really ok now. I have no fear about where my relationship with Debbie is going to go. I'd really like for us to be together someday, but I know that right now isn't the time. I said before that I know she cares, but I don't know how much.. Well I know now how much she cares. I really do. I know that we'll be involved in each other's lives one way or another for a long, long time. Possibly for the rest of our lives. We're too close to each other to let go.
I do love her. The more I see her, the more I love her.. And the more that love becomes unconditional. I just want her to be happy. That's all.
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08:25 am
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Why doesn't anyone ever comment anymore?
I would like a little bit of feedback every now and then, ya know? Or at least a reminder that someone besides Julie and Veronica actually read this crap.
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04:26 am
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Breakfast After 10
White kitchen wall with a thousand windows
You turn on Winston in the den
And I'm still asleep but I can hear the piano
When you make breakfast after ten
And I smell the coffee on your fingers
I still smell the perfume in the bed
The crushed linen roses are on everything
And you're still inside my head
You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you
Let her know you're swapping sides
You're not the one with all the problems
You're the one with all the pride
So just pick your head up, boys and walk away
Walk the coolest walk that you know
'Cause in a month or two she'll call you
You gotta....hang up the phone
And I hope she knows I've got this memory
That won't ever seem to break or bend
A thick lock and (sherock..?) is on the window in the kitchen
I don't think I'll ever take 'em down again
And I've learned a lot from all these break ups and make ups and fuck ups and fake ups
Things that I wish you could comprehend
But for now I'll lace up my wing tip shoes, boys, and I'll
I'll go and have breakfast with my good friends
You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you
Let her know you're swapping sides
You're not the one with all the problems
You're not the one with all the problems
You're the one with all the pride!
You gotta make her know how it feels to miss you
Let her know you're swapping spit!
You're not the one with all the problems
You're not the one with all the problems
She's the one that's full of shit!
So just pick your head up, boys and walk away
Walk the coolest walk that you know
Yeah, I know you know
That in a month or two she'll...she'll call you
You gotta...HANG UP THE PHONE!
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09:41 am
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Weird ass dream...
I just woke up from a fucked up dream..
I dreamt that I was driving down one of the backroads in my town (couldn't tell you which one because it wasn't exactly like any of the roads we have around here) and I was behind some girl driving something like a Bronco. Well we're both doing about 80-85 MPH (you know, the normal curvy, hilly backroad speed..) and she starts doing some weird shit. She's swerving all around, not even looking like she cares if she stays on the road. Well she slows down a bit and pulls off to the left (yes, left) so I go around her. A few minutes later I get up to a stop sign, and I see her on my left walking down the road. (How she got there so damn quick I'll never know, because if you remember I was driving at about 85 MPH..) Well when I see her, she's crying and cursing some dude (most likely her asshole boyfriend). "Fuck you too, you fucking asshole! Do you even care!?" So naturally, since I hate seeing a girl cry, especially when it's caused by the one who's supposed to love her (and god DAMN she was cute..), I stop and ask her if she needs a ride to where she's going. I don't think she really gave me an answer, she just sat there thinking about it for a minute then continued walking. So I go ahead and start to pull away. (Hey, I tried.) But then she starts crying again. She needs someone to be there for her, so I stop my car once again and look at her with the most sincere concerned face I've ever given anyone and I say "Are you sure you don't need a ride?" So she heads over to the passenger side of my "car" (which by this point had turned into some sort of go-cart thingy with only two wheels and they were on the back of the car. The front of the car was held up by little handles on the side that you'd hold on to while you're driving..) So anyway, she starts saying something like "I don't think he's coming this way.. No, he's not coming here. He doesn't even care." I start to get a bit anxious, because I don't want her boyfriend seeing me with her and wanting to kick my ass (although if he would have come around I would have been ready.) Soo, we start walking down the road. (She decided to fold up my car and carry it, and eventually it turned into a notebook carrying case type thing.) She's looking through my notebook, seeing all my cds that are in there, my scribbles of band names all over the place, etc., and we're just bullshitting with each other just for some conversation. Then she notices a band name she doesn't recognize. She says it out loud and I'm like "yeah, that's my friend's band". She suddenly becomes interested and starts asking me "Are you in a band? What do you play?" So I tell her yes actually I'm in a band. Their name is Left of Center (hey, at least I remembered my band in my dream!) and I sing for them. Well, we keep walking and talking about ourselves, getting to know each other. We both seem to be really interested in each other. Well, we finally get close to her house, and she looks behind us because she hears something. She sees the noise she heard and just starts running, so naturally I look behind me to see what the fuck scared her so bad. Then I see the figure.. It's hard to make out what it is, but I can see something (it was dark by this time, which is odd because 2 minutes earlier it was bright daylight..) As I'm looking at it, she screams "It's a bear, Tom!" After that, all I saw was a huge bear charging toward me, running at full speed. I try to move out of the way, but there was no stopping this. He wanted me, and he was gonna get me. When he finally reached me and went for the kill, I woke up. That scared the funk out of me!
*sigh* So yeah.. Fucked up dream. I meet a cute girl and we're both extremely interested in each other, then I get mauled by a fucking bear.
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12:48 am
[Link] | Caught in this maze
Circle of death
I can't stand one more minute without you
But every moment with you is just a lie
Fake
Empty
You never lied to me
I did
I pretended
I wanted so much for it to be true
Take away my pain
GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING HEART!
I'm so empty
I fear that nothing will ever fill this hole
I gave you everything
You gave me tiny pieces
Bits of love
I can't do this anymore
Going on like this will be the death of me
But I'm not mad
Just disappointed
I know you gave all you could
It just wasn't enough
I want to be there
I would do anything in my power to make you happy
But I can't be the person you need me to be
Not right now
Maybe further down the road we can start again
Maybe in another life
But next time..
Next time it will be better
"Someday, somehow, I'm gonna make it alright, but not right now..."
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01:10 am
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I feel strange enough to cry...
So last night I had a talk with Debbie. When I told her I loved her, she said she didn't want me to have these feelings. I asked if it's because she didn't feel the same, and she said yes. (Pretty much as I thought.)
She also told me that recently she's been sleeping with one of her other friends. I kind of had an idea though, because she's been spending a lot of time with him lately. She's known him since she was about 15 or 16. They dated when they first met, but decided that it wasn't working, so they became friends and have been ever since. She told me that she decided to give him another chance and see where things go. I know it's not going to be serious between them. She's not ready for anything serious right now, and I'm finally realizing that. Really realizing it. I think what did it for me was seeing her cry at work yesterday. She has so much stress in her life right now. The only thing she has to give to anyone is friendship. And I want to be there for her, but I'm torn because I need time to pull myself together. I need time to myself.
The only problem is I don't want to lose her as a friend in the process. All day I've had a line from a Joydrop song in my head. "I know it seems funny, but maybe we just said goodbye." I don't want it to be like that. The last thing I want is to lose her completely. God, I fucking love her so much. I can't stand the thought of her not being in my life. That would kill me.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to the song I had in my head. It's called Strawberry Merigold
-----
Cover me in fire
Drop me down to the deepest darkest ocean
So I never have to feel that way again
Color on the carpet
Seven eyes on the ceiling
There's a feeling that comes over you when you know that
Something has changed forever
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Please don't bring me down with that look on your face
Because I almost didn't make it and
One day you just might know how that feels
I heard the mermaids singing once when I was very small
But now the sound of the traffic and
Human voices wake us 'til we drown
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Seven angels seven plagues
And the trumpet and the saint
I tell you man if it was me on that beast
I would not let you fuck with me like that
It's dangerous to see beyond the visions that we breathe
But I can hold it in my hand and know that
There is something to this that will never die
Don't lose your wings 'til you learn
How to sing yourself to sleep
I know it seems funny but
Maybe we just said goodbye
I feel strange enough to cry
Strawberry merigold smile
Current Mood: lost
Current Music: Joydrop - Strawberry Merigold
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02:39 am
[Link] |
Gah!
I just got pulled over by a dude I went to school with. Said I was doing 67 in a 55, which is odd because that's what my spedometer was reading. For the longest time I thought it was off by about 5 miles because every time I drove by one of those radar sign things I was doing about 35 and it always said I was doing 30. *shrugs* I have no fucking clue.
Anyway, time for a rant:
< rant >
You know the song "Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous" by Good Charlotte? Well for the most part, I disagree with that song. Think about it. Just because someone has money doesn't mean their problems aren't real. And money doesn't solve problems. I've also noticed that poor people complain just as much as rich people, it's just that rich people's voices are heard a hell of a lot more because it's thrown in everyone's faces on TV. But they're still people and shouldn't be treated as anything less.
< /rant >
Anyone agree? Disagree? Feel free to comment.
You know, I think I'll post this on the board. Maybe I'll get a better response.
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